A Different Twist to the Three R's
David Levis
New San Juan High School
I believe there is a new generation of the "three R's": Relationship, Respect, and Responsibility. In this 21st Century world that we live in, these ideas are a significant part of a young person's life, arguably, they always have been. But now in the era of being “connected” these areas have been accentuated. When working at low-income schools with many different ethnicities, it must be at the very top of a teachers list of what to do. Building relationships, showing respect to the students and then holding them accountable has always been a priority in my teaching. How does someone like me build relationships with students that come from some of the most difficult backgrounds you could imagine and some of the most diverse? I am a (younger) middle aged, middle class, going to Church every Sunday, white male. I have been married for many years, and have three beautiful children at home. How can someone from such a different background relate and bond with diverse students. The answer is very easy; I live by these new 3 R's. The real secret, this works for all of our students in this day and age.
I have only been teaching for about 8 years, so I am not the most experienced teacher but I have been around the block a little. Number one has got to be relationships, whether teaching at Center High School, a middle class school with limited diversity to teaching at Encina, the local United Nations of high schools in the Sacramento region, from teaching history to teaching language to non-native English speakers to helping students develop rallies as the Activities Director. Developing relationships with students really is not a difficult task. Some of the process is internal but most is external.
The internal part comes from truly valuing the student and their background, even as difficult as it may be, especially if you totally disagree with their current life situation. This is especially important when you talk about students' parents or identify different occupations. They will know if you are genuine. If you are making fun of different jobs people hold or target different life styles, even in jest, you will lose any bond you may have. This is especially true at the middle school and secondary level. Students are very protective of their families.
The external part is easy to do and often overlooked. It is quite a bit to keep up with sometimes. This external process is often built off of the internal part of building those bonds. Some of the easiest things to do are to take an active step to learn things about your student, their interests. Learn how to say hello in their language, know cultural aspects about where they came from, knowing (and not judging) how many people are in their family and what their family structure is. Just being able to identify the music they listen to is a big deal. Once you make fun of their music or their style of dress you have hit them at their personal core. Conversely if you complement them or build them up you have laid foundations for the future. Students have little they can control often time it is expressed in their music and the clothes they wear.
Following right behind relationship, has to be respect. This is not as simple as it sounds. Young people's perception of respect is something different then what we may have grown up with. I respected the police officer because he/she held a position of authority. I respected my teachers because they held a position of authority; I respected my parents because they held a position of authority. We honored them and respected them not because they necessarily earned it but because of their position in society. Our students come from a totally different place. Students believe that someone earns respect by what they do and say, but respect can also be taken away. This can be a difficult task for the teacher, because instead of starting the year with a group of students that start from a position of respect for the teacher, students come from a position of tentative distance and concern. It is on the teacher to gain trust and respect. The real trouble is when the teacher takes the same position and starts to treat the student with disrespect. This often happens when a student feels they have been wronged and then acts out. The teacher then gets frustrated and starts to belittle the student or acting in a disrespectful way. This only alienates the student and reinforces the student's prior behavior. Doing this creates a cycle that is difficult to break. Not allowing the students to get to you and keep your head is your first trial. This allows you as the instructor to be the example and have something to point to when rebuilding the relationship begins. Pointing out the fact that as the teacher you continued to give respect to the student.
Showing respect comes in different forms. The first is honoring a student's culture and background. A student knows what you think of them. If you look down on them and believe they come from a position of no power or discredit their current life experience, they will know instantly. Not surprisingly building a relationship goes hand in hand with respecting the student. The exciting thing about these two steps is that it leads you to the last part of the three R's and that is responsibility. Building up the relationship, earning a student's respect allows you to hold them accountable and teach them responsibility. For this I can only speak from my own experience. I had two students while I was the Activities Director at a high school; they had taken the cell phone of another student. Another student came to me to let me know that the phone was taken and by whom. First off the only reason that student reporting the theft came to me in the first place was because of the respect and trust that had been developed. Once I approached the students that were involved, they at first denied it. We talked further and I spoke about being hurt and disappointed, eventually they admitted to what had happened. Together we came up with a game plan to make things right. Luckily we acted fast enough and they hadn't done anything with the phone. After school we went to the home of the student that had taken the phone. It also gave me a chance to honor the student's background by listening to the back story of the student. The difficult life the student grew up in and the pressures of life around them. This allowed me to build a stronger relationship but at the same time hold the student accountable and teach responsibility.
These ideas are really not hard; it really comes down to treating the students like people that are learning. In addition, not taking yourself too seriously is an important factor all the way around. I can't tell you the number of times I have danced some crazy dance to someone's cell phone going off in class. They giggle a little, shut their phone off and I go on with my lesson, as simple as that. No one wants to be unknown, students want be valued and whether or not you know this, they want you to value them the most. One thing that my wife said that has always stuck with me, when a child is in distress, as petty as it might seem to you and me, it really is their whole world. If they are upset about losing a pet, or their boyfriend or girlfriend has broken up with them, or someone is making fun if the clothes they are wearing, it really is the end of the world for them. We know they will live through it, but the pain they feel at the moment is 100% real for them. We need to be 100% real for our students and make sure they know that we care for them 100% of the time. They can look up facts from the internet but they should be guided by a teacher so that they can contribute to society as well.